“You Must Have Known”

Motherhood

I totally get it. The missed periods? The weak pelvic floor? The sickness? The acne? The mood swings? I must have known. It’s a difficult one to explain because I think most people assume that those signs are obviously linked to pregnancy, which makes sense, but they aren’t so obvious when you aren’t looking for them.

I realise that I sound a bit ~arsey~ but it’s downright draining having to explain yourself every 5 minutes to those old and quite frankly outdated people who 1. Insult you for ‘looking too young to have a baby’ and 2. Believe it to be impossible that you found out so late. Pregnancy symptoms are no different to period symptoms, really, except your tummy expands at least 10,000 times its normal self. But nonetheless, I’ll explain myself one last time! As of now, I will mute the arsey tone (kinda).

The Missed Periods

I’ve been on contraception pretty much since I started my period because (TMI) I used to get a bit heavy down there, and I’d been told that contraception kept it under control. I’ve wrote a whole over blog post on my experience with contraception but long story short – the pill didn’t work for me. In the transition from the pill to the implant, I fell pregnant. Honeymoon stage. And so, I was already pregnant when the implant was fitted. The doctor mentioned that most women experience amenorrhea with the implant, so the fact that I wasn’t having periods seemed perfectly normal!

The Weak Pelvic Floor

Now, isn’t this a story to tell. I was having a nice and peaceful nap on my nan’s sofa when I was woken up by what could have only been an uncontrollable bladder. Having to confess to my mum that I had wet the bed was pretty embarrassing but neither of us even thought to link it to pregnancy. A few weeks before I had suffered with a UTI, and a couple of weeks later I was suffering with a kidney infection so this seemed like a reasonable symptom for both of those.

The Sickness

In all honesty, I can’t really recall my first trimester at all, as obviously I had no idea that I was even in my first trimester. So in hindsight, I don’t really know if I experienced sickness or not. If I did, it couldn’t have been that bad as it definitely would have been memorable and definitely would have struck me that I could be pregnant. Although I can vaguely remember being on my way home from a school trip to Stratford-on-Avon and my teacher having to pull over as I was retching in the back. I suffer with travel sickness so it was natural to just put it for that. However, it was actually sickness that pushed me to do a pregnancy test. The morning after my 18th birthday was awful. I couldn’t be in the car (again) without feeling like I was dying, I refused a fry up, I spent 80% of the day in bed, and generally felt like I had been possessed. I knew that this wasn’t a ~normal~ hangover and that something was up. Even though I still didn’t believe I was pregnant, this was the first time that I had even thought of pregnancy. Before then, it hadn’t even occurred to me!

The Bump

New relationship. That’s all I thought. I was happy, we were going out for dinner, ordering more takeaways… I was bound to put on weight. It was actually a bit of a ~relief~ to find out that I was pregnant as I quickly got over the fact that I had gone up almost 3 dress sizes and 3 cup sizes. My tummy wasn’t round, and definitely wasn’t how I pictured it would look when I pictured myself pregnant. I pictured my normal petite self with a perfectly round bump. Instead, I filled out everywhere expect my stomach. Bingo wings, double chin, boobs bigger than my bump, friction burns from my chafing thighs. Even at my first scan, at 26 weeks, I barely had a bump.

Believe me, I wish I knew. I wish I found out at 4 weeks like most women do. I wish I had 9 months to prepare myself financially. I wish I could have had that moment where I was so elated to see those two blue lines and found a way that I could surprise Cy with our wonderful news. I wish I wasn’t robbed of those 6 months that I could have bonded with my bump. I wish that I had an overpriced scan picture of Amelie to keep back and show her when she’s older. But in those three months, I had never felt happier!

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